Excitedly we carry her suitcases and throw them in the back of the car. She is practically skipping as she makes her way around the car and hops in the passenger seat. Her eyes are bright and her face is covered with a radiant smile. Meanwhile i'm trying not to look at her and fighting back the tears. I really am excited for her, but right now the pain is outweighing the joy. As we make the short drive to the MTC I recall the memories I formed there 3 years ago. I had the best MTC district. My MTC companion was exactly who I needed her to be. Even today, Sister Jensen and I will get together and grab lunch and reminisce about the mission days. I remember the first day and the whirlwind that was MTC orientation. The dork dot that I proudly wore for the first couple hours and then promptly removed it when I realized that yes, every missionary would stop to say, "welcome to the MTC." I remember the devotionals and the musical numbers and how they filled me with joy and excitement. I remembered the feeling of panic when I realized that maybe I didn't know as much as I thought. How in adequate I felt as I struggled to teach our "investigators". The frustration with trying to figure out "compunity" and learning to recognize the spirit in a new way and the love I felt for my district and teachers the day we parted for the mission field. I turn to look at the soon to be Sister Robinson. "You are really going to love the MTC!" I say. She just nods and smiles at me. As we pull through the gates we are directed to the right to parking space number seven where we proceed to park the car and unload her bags. There is now an eager missionary standing next to us waiting to wisk my sister away. The moment has now come, but first we must take a picture! I don't know if you can tell, but in this picture I am fighting back the tears. As soon as the missionary lowered his arm the tears began to roll down my cheeks. It was now time to give her one more tight squeeze and then let her go for 18 months.
That car ride home back to my apartment was rough. For the next 18 months, the only contact I will have with her is through emails or hand written letters. Since I got back form my mission 18 months ago Ellie and I have become extremely close. We have had the chance to live in Provo together and for the past five months we have even lived in the same apartment complex. Although we may fight from time to time, I know that she is always there for me. She has truly become my best friend. So, yes, today I dropped my best friend off at the MTC and it was hard and it was sad, but it was also extremely happy and exciting. I know that my sister is about to have the most amazing 18 months of her life and that she will be a blessing to so many people. I know that her sacrifice will be a blessing to our family and it will be a blessing to our relationship! I am so proud of my little sister and choice to serve a mission. I know that she will do fantastic! I did a short podcast with her today that you should go listen to! She is wonderful and you can learn a little about why she chose to serve a mission. You can also follow her adventures at mitzionamission.weebly.com.
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So, it's Christmas break, most of my friends are out of town (even my little sister is out of town) so I have had ample time to watch movies upon movies. Anyone that knows me super well knows that I love the human story. Any movie that delves into the human elements of a character or the humanity of life is probably a movie that I would enjoy. (If you have any suggestions please leave a comment!) Some of my favorite movies are little independent movies that no one has seen. I love them because usually they are stripped of all the fluff and they are focused solely on telling the story that is at hand. I love them because they talk about living, the ups and the downs and they remind me to live in the moment and enjoy the life that I have. Yet here I sit at the end of another semester wondering if I really did live my life to the fullest and thinking of what I can do next semester to change and live a better, more full life!
In all of my favorite movies they spend time doing the little things that make them happy. They go to the park at night and play on the swings, they go on long strolls, go on drives, go on hikes, do random art projects, they sit and talk, they make time for the people they care about the most, they cook together, they eat together, they share meals with new acquaintances , they drop all their responsibilities every once in a while to travel, they explore new parts of the world they live in. Many times the characters are apprehensive to begin with but when they realize what is most important and what brings them the most joy they take a leap of faith and go for their dreams. I want that to be me! I want to live my life as if I was in a movie. Yes I have responsibilities and I will see to them, they are after all a big part of my dream, but I want to take more risks and climb out of my little comfortable box. There is a whole world out there to be explored, this earth was created for us, people are individuals for a reason and I want to explore as much of the world as I can. I want to start with where I live and get to really know the people around me. Everyone has a story to share and I love hearing all about them. I don't want to worry about getting hurt, or worrying that people won't like me. Hey if I get hurt it will just remind me that I am alive, that I am human and that I can feel! I want to live, love and learn as much as possible because this life truly is so short and fragile that you never know how much time you or the people around you will have. Any way just some thoughts as 2015 ends and 2016 begins. Here is to living, loving and learning! Seriously though! I have a talent. I am really good at being single, so good that I have more or less accomplished it for the last 22 and 1/2 years of my life. I mean I have had a thing here or there but I would never say that I have had a serious or committed relationship. Not by any means. I wish I could say that is by choice and it's because I am a strong, independent women that don't need no man, but I would be lying to myself and the world if I said I thought that was 100% true.
I am a strong and independent women but I believe that men and women have a place in each others life and that marriage between a man and women is lovely and I would love to experience that some day ... when my prince comes ... after he finds his phone and plugs into the GPS directions to "an amazing, strong, independent women who would love to spend the rest of her life with a great, inspiring man that will work in partnership with her to achieve greatness in their home and community." Is that asking too much? haha So this all spurred from the flurry of engagement posts on my news feed. So many announcements! 'Tis the season right? Then again I feel like my newsfeed is always full of announcements so I am not quite sure when this season ends or begins. I am starting to feel like poor Jane in 27 dresses, except I don't have dresses I am collecting from weddings instead I just have a bank statement of all the money I am spending on bridal and wedding gifts. I have these moments of panic when I think, "oh my goodness I am going to be single forever and have 12 cats to keep me company and replace my need for children," and then I remember that I am 22 ... all is well, I have plenty of time. My breathing returns to normal and I start to think of all the positives of being single right now and how insanely good at it I am. It's a confidence boost, really! Right now I am a senior in college with a hectic and crazy schedule and a lot to look forward to in my future. The future looks bright my friends and I am tremendously excited! First off, I have amazing friends and we get up to all sorts of mischief and fun. Secondly, I just got accepted into the London internship program and so I get to go home for the summer to complete my internship. And that is going to be a blast! Last Sunday at church, one of my youth leaders and I were talking about marriage and what not and she gave some amazing advice. She said it would happen when it happens and to enjoy the journey now. There is so much that we can do now and being married is great, but being single is great too. Mr. or Mrs. right will come into your life when you least expect it and it will be wonderful. I loved that! When you are single you can go were you need to go and do what you need to do and there isn't as much responsibility. Right now is a great time to become who you want to become, work on being your best self. I mean be open to possibilities but do you! So my single friends who have their news feeds full of engagement announcements and wedding photos, fear not you are not alone! And enjoy this time you have now to work on becoming the best you. Your time to get married will come soon enough. This past semester I was in a class titled, "Psychology of Gender." We covered topics from gender stereotypes and sexism to sexual orientation and biological differences between the genders. I loved this class a lot! I often left class feeling fired up with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wanted to go and change all the injustices of the world after every class I attended! The class opened my eyes to some of the social issues around me and caused me to reevaluate some of my personal beliefs on gender. Let me give you some background here, my father is a hard worker and the main breadwinner in my family and my mother has been a stay-at-home mom for most of my life. Let me add here that my mother is also an extremely hard worker and one of the best homemakers that I have ever met. My mother has always encouraged me to go after my dreams and taught me when I was younger that I could be anything that I wanted to be. I don't think I even realized that there was a big separation between male and female until I was 10 and they told me that I had to stop playing Rugby with the guys ... The point is, that I was raised to be just as capable and able as any man and therefore I have always had a career goal. When I was younger this goal of having a career didn't seem to be an issue, but as I grew up it became more of a touchy subject with adults, guys I was dating and even other women my age. As a woman in this world and within the LDS culture I feel that I have seen this world as a fight for my independence and a fight to do what I am passionate about. My whole life I have had to defend my want for a career and reassure people that I want to be a mother and a wife as well. In all honesty, I feel that as an LDS woman it should almost be assumed that I want to get married at some point and have children (I mean most of us do. Then again maybe we shouldn't assume at all). I just feel like I shouldn’t have to explicitly say that on every date I ever go on. Men don't have to say on a date, "I want to be an Electrical Engineer, oh and I want to be a husband and a father." If they don't have to say it then why do I? At the beginning of this semester I set a goal to study the family a proclamation of the world while I took this course. I wanted to make sure that the opinions I formed in this class would align with my religious beliefs and that any doubts I occurred through my studies in this class could be taken care of in a safe manner. In my study of The Family: A Proclamation to the World, I came to two conclusions. First, the Lord has a plan for us and our gender is part of that plan. Second, I realized that men and women do have separate roles but they are expressed in a general manner and there are no specific guidelines, and I believe that the Lord meant it to be that way. If the only role a women could fulfill was to stay at home and take care of children and the only role a man could fulfill was to provide for his family then the proclamation would say that, but it doesn’t. Men and women are different from each other to a certain degree, but one man is different from another man as well and one woman is different from another women. This class has taught me that there may be more variability among the sexes than there is between the sexes. The only gender roles that I see as necessary is the role of a man to protect, provide and preside, however he may see fit for his family and for a women to primarily tend to nurturing, however she may see fit for her family. Every other gender role can be accepted or rejected as that person sees fit. I would say I am sorry to rant, but I mean that is the point of this blog right? I guess the point that I am getting at is if I was to put a label on my views I guess I would call myself a Mormon Feminist. I say this because the word feminist has a negative connotation these days of wanting to be better than men and hating on men, but I don't agree with that. I believe that men and women are equal and that we need each other in this world! I believe that women should have equal opportunity in any career that they choose to enter. Every woman and man is different and each situation they will face in their life will be different and they have the right to decide what is best for their family and how they will best fulfill their roles as men and women in their individual families. So yeah, I guess I am a feminist and I see nothing wrong with that!
The lights, the presents and the joy at Christmas time have always made this time of year my favourite! When I was younger, this time of year was always full of so much magic and wonder. Now, it's more of a reverent time of the year. The lights and presents that used to be the focus of Christmas when I was younger now have a deeper meaning that symbolizes Christ and his life.
I love seeing my family and friends open the gifts that I have either bought or made for them. I love getting them things that they can use or that show them how much I love and care about them. The wise men brought gifts to Jesus Christ when he was born, they were showing him their love and respect. Jesus Christ's birth in itself was a gift to us from a loving Heavenly Father. He was born that we might have peace. Christ's life was a gift to us, an example of how we should live so that we might have joy and live with our Father in Heaven again. His suffering in the garden of Gethsemane is a gift to us as he paid for our sins and experienced all of our infirmities so that he could know how to help us (Alma 7:12). The lights at Christmas are still so glorious to me, if not more so! They symbolize the light that Christ is in the world. The lights at Christmas bring joy and hope and that is exactly what Christ brings. I am so grateful that #asaviorisborn and for his love that he graces me with every day. I know that he loves us and wants us to be happy! Christmas time is great, but the Savior can be a part of our life all year round. He is there for us through thick and thin all you have to do is, "Come unto Christ" (Moroni 10:30). Pray and ask if he is there, ask if he loves you! And if you do so with a sincere heart with the intent to act on the answer you receive he will show you that these things are true. I know because I have done this myself and I have felt his love. I am living proof that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real and that changes people for the better! Christ loves you! God loves you! and I love you! Happy Christmas everyone! If you have any questions check out mormon.org/christmas or feel free to send me and email or leave a comment! So, have you ever been in that situation when someone tells you something, I don't know like, "You're the best" and you just don't believe them? Or maybe you do believe them but you almost roll your eyes at them? Or maybe it is more like you want to believe them but you are not quite sure if they are sincere?
Ok, so maybe when I wrote this title I was feeling a bit bitter, but the general sentiment of the post still stands and I think there are others out there that can relate to how I feel. Growing up I was always "one of the bros." All my friends were guys and when the girl friends that I did have enjoyed a girls night I was usually hanging out with the guys at bro night. I always had more fun with the guys and knew that I could just be myself around them. As I grew up though there was always this reoccurring dilemma that I am always the friend and never the girl. I am the one that they feel like they can talk to about anything, I am non threatening for them to be around. They can have fun and relax and they don't have to feel nervous. Simply put I am the one that they have no interest in dating... Don't get me wrong my guy friends are fantastic. They say all the right things and they are some of the most supportive people in my life. I love and care about them and I know they love and care about me too. It's just sometimes I want more... Again don't get me wrong I don't have a crush on every single one of my guy friends it is just that sometimes I wish that it was a guy that I liked and who liked me that was telling me that they think I'm the best. I want someone who sees me as more than safe, more than just comfortable to be around or more than just one of the guys. I want someone who sees me as special. Someone who sees my potential and wants to help me to be successful. I want someone who will say that I am the best and then prove that they mean it. Guy friends are great, but they come and go, I want something eternal, something that lasts. A best friend forever. I know, now I sound desperate and what not, but I really am fine! I know that everything is in the Lord's timing and that it really will all work out. I just need to be patient. Besides, I am 22 and I have so much to do and so much ahead of me. You just need to vent it out sometimes to make your self feel better, ya know? If you do, however, want to give any dating tips or share your stories, leave a comment! I would love to hear your stories and know that I'm not alone haha This upcoming semester marks my senior year of school at Brigham Young University. In a year from now I will be graduated and on the search for a full time job. These past few years have been a huge learning experience for me and I feel I have really come to understand my role as a journalist in this day and age.
I have known that I wanted to be a journalist since I was a young girl. My creative outlet has always been writing and as I grew up I loved watching the news because I wanted to know what was happening in the world around me. I took my first journalism class when I was a junior in high school and I fell head over heals for journalism! In that class I learned that the role of a journalist is to inform those around them so that they can make informed decisions. Journalism became not only a creative outlet but a way that I could serve my community and help people. This past semester, however, it became even more than that. As a journalist it is my role to inform the public so that they can make informed decisions. Many times this takes the form of exposing lies to the public or warning the public of danger in their community. There is so much terror in the news and it can be scary to see the world in this state, but among all the bad in the world is glimmers of hope and rays of light! There is good in this world and it is my role as a journalist to inform the public of the hope that still exists out there. As a journalist it is my role to tell the inspiring stories of those around me and shed light on the good people are doing in the community. My role is to promote the freedom of information and use those rights to bless the community and the world that I live in. I know this world has a lot of crazy in it, but there is still so much good and I really believe that people need to know about the good that is happening. The hope and help that is out there. I don't know how I am going to show this good in the world yet, but I know that it will be my goal my whole career to shed light on the positive in the world! I am sure a project will pop up in my head soon enough. If you have any ideas that you think I should try feel free to let me know! A photo project, a video project, a story or a podcast, etc. Leave a comment and let me know of any ideas that you might have. This is just a brainstorm session so no idea is dumb or a waste, I promise. Most great ideas are preceded by a not so great idea, so give me what you got! Here is a link to the article I wrote: Daily Universe editor shares thoughts on becoming an American. Below is a longer, more detailed version of my journey.
The courtroom is quiet and I can feel the gaze of everyone present on me as I raise my hand to my heart. My eyes are welling up and my heart is bursting at the seams with love. As the Star Spangled Banner is played I can hardly breath as the last 11 years flash past in my mind. I first moved to the United States of America when I was 12 years old. I was born and raised in London, England and my Dad got a job offer in Columbus, Ohio. When he sat my siblings and me down to tell us he said we would only be living in the USA for 3 years and that it would be an adventure. I loved adventures. 6 months later we packed up all our things and made our move “across the pond.” I thought I was prepared to move to the USA. I had vacationed here many times; I had watched all the high school American classics, “Clueless”, “Lizzie McGuire”, and “Mean Girls” I thought I knew what to expect. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There was an unexpected language barrier and it was a strangely large cultural shock. Columbus, Ohio is not London, England in any way. No one understood what I was saying let alone and I would offend people often with my bunt choice of words. I learned that Americans not only spoke and acted differently, but they thought differently too. I didn’t like it. The stereotypes of Americans being ignorant, arrogant, boisterous, uncultured, barbaric and loud were being solidified in mind: the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew in three years I would be back in my beloved London. A year past, however, and my father sat my siblings and me back down again and said we would be staying permanently. I don’t think I have ever cried more in my life. My little heart and my plans for the future felt shattered. I considered running away but wasn’t quite sure how I would make it back across the Atlantic. I knew I had a choice: I could either continue to hate living in America or I could change my attitude and look for the good in America. I started to get involved with American Culture. I fell in love with Football and The Ohio State Buckeyes. I learned about American history and the founding fathers. I learned about the Constitution and as a journalist and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I loved the First Amendment. I loved how patriotic the Fourth of July is, I began to appreciate some country music, I traveled the country and served a mission in Spokane, Washington. All these things started to teach me the good things about America. But, there was still something I couldn’t get past. I have been eligible to apply for American citizenship for three years now, but there was a huge issue. I realized that I loved living in America but I didn’t want to be American. I still felt that being American meant being arrogant, ignorant and uncultured. I still encountered this stereotype often. I did not want to be associated with that stereotype. My father sent me an email with all the reasons I should become a citizen in it: I could travel between the countries freely; I wouldn’t have to keep renewing my permanent residency card; and I could vote. The only one that really appealed to me was voting: Representation for my taxation, right? That is when I realized what being American really meant. At the beginning of the Constitution of the United States of America it reads: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” “We the people,” three simple, but powerful words. To me being American means being apart of “We the people.” It means defending the Constitution, defending the First Amendment, standing up for what I believe in, and fighting against the American stereotype. I believe in the founding fathers vision for this country and believe that the “American Dream” is still attainable. Becoming American means fighting for the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” It means being informed and getting involved in local politics. It means exercising my right to vote. I am proud to be British and London will always be my home, but I have another home now. Columbus, Ohio, Spokane, Washington and Provo, Utah will always have special places in my heart. So as I stand here as tears roll down my face as the Star Spangled Banner plays, it is because I believe in America, I love America and I am proud to be an American. I am proud to call America home. "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” When I was a little younger I remember reading the body peace section of Seventeen magazine. I would always read these inspiring stories of how these women had come to love their bodies and it made me happy. My whole life I have just wanted to help others have healthy self esteem and love themselves. Ever since I can remember I have been overweight. As a teenager I didn't worry about it all that much. I knew that I was heavier than most girls but it didn't seem to bother me all that much. I played Lacrosse in High School and during my senior year, I shed a few pounds. I knew that it made feel good, but I didn't like focusing on it. Over the last year, however, I have suddenly become quite self conscious. I say self conscious but it almost just feels like I have become self aware. I don't particularly like the way I feel and I have become conscious about my weight as well. I am no larger than I was in high school but I feel like a huge balloon! Now I wouldn't say that I hate my body, because I am thankful for my body and the strength that I do have. My body gets me from point A to point B everyday. I can breath, I can run and I can laugh, but there are definitely things that I am conscious about. More than just the way I look is the way I feel. On a daily basis I feel sluggish and like I am made out of jello. Running and dancing make me feel like I am so wobbly and that is not a nice feeling. Now I don't tell you this so that you can feel sorry for me, I am mainly writing this so I can get it all out. I find that a good vent sesh always helps. As I have spent time reflecting on this subject I have come to the realization that there is only one true way that I can have peace with my body! I have to treat my body as if I love it. That means eating the things that fuel my body, instead of junk that hurts it. That means exercising so that my body can remain strong and not overworking myself to try and get "results" faster. It means getting the sleep that my body deserves so that it can heal and run better the next day. It means loving my body now for all that it is capable of and then working to keep my body in tip top condition. There is no point shaming my body or complaining about things. I can love my body and take care of it now. This post is signifying a renewal of the love I have for my body. It is my gratitude letter for the gift from God that it truly is. And it is also me committing to live a better life style. A life style that shows the love I have for my body. There is no better way to declare peace than to stop the war on shaming my body and filling it with toxins, stop depriving it off sleep and stop cutting it off from the nutrients that it truly needs. I know things won't change all at once but over time my body will get stronger and I will find peace in the knowledge that I am doing all I can to show gratitude for my body. I invite you all to do the same with me. Comment below and tell me the things that you are doing to stop the war on your body and find peace instead! |
AuthorI am Izsie. I feel deeply, which is a curse and a blessing and I love to rant. Archives
March 2017
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