I haven't written in months! I could say that I have been busy, but that would be a lie. I have recently come to grips with the fact that I have just been scared to be truly vulnerable. I have been scared to feel because I don't want to get hurt. I have been afraid to post because of what people might think. When did I become the person that cared what others thought about me?
In high school I had a teacher that told me, "Izsie, people are either going to hate you or love you, and I have a feeling you won't care either way." Well Mr. Moore, I wish that was still true. Somewhere a long the way, however, I started to care too much. I started to let fear into my life. I started to let other people dictate who I should be. It led me to lose sight of who I am. The world said, "that this is the time that I am supposed to find myself", but somehow I lost myself. I turned to personality quizzes to rediscover who I was, but it just made me more confused. I listened to the people around me to tell me who I was. HOW DUMB IS THAT? What, I missed that step in high school so why not do it now? Yeah, no! So, I am reclaiming my life and going back to my roots. There is nothing wrong with who I am. Yeah, I need a little polish and that will come with time, but I (with God) dictate who I want to become. I am the girl that feels deeply. I have lots of highs and lots of lows in my life. I am the girl that writes to discover the world. Writing gives me comfort! So, wether you love me or not, I don't actually care... if you love me, I love you too. And if you don't, I love you. And, wether you like my writing or not, I'm back. So enjoy. Or don't. You do you! There is an art and a grace to being single, which I don’t think I have mastered quite yet. Really, it teaches you how to be brave and take huge leaps of faith. When you make big decisions you don’t have to take anyone else into account really, but you also don’t have anyone to help you make those decisions. It is getting close to graduation and that means that I have to make some big decisions. What city should I look for jobs in? Do I stay in Utah? Do I go to the east coast? Do I move to London? Being single means that in theory I can go anywhere I want, that is both simultaneously exciting and terrifying!
There are times when I enjoy the “perks” of being single. The ability to decide to up and go to Boston this weekend, just for fun or buy a new pair of jeans, just because I feel like it. When I imagine my future there are two versions, depending on my mood. When I am grateful to be single I imagine moving to Africa and teaching English and Health to underprivileged groups, or traveling across America and teaching in underprivileged school districts, while simultaneously capturing my experience and the experience of those around me on video or in a blog. It sounds magical and exciting! One moment this dream fills me with excitement and the next I am afflicted with fear and doubt. I wonder if I am brave enough to act on this dream. Then there are the times when I long to be in a serious relationship. I imagine moving to Salt Lake to stay closer to him for a year as he finishes up school, or as we plan our future life together. The added bonus here is that my sister would live close by. In my dreams it is uncertain where I would work in Salt Lake City, but he would be supportive of my dreams and we would work together to make them happen. Maybe we would even embark on our international journey together, or pick a city where we could both attend grad schools in programs if that is what we desire. This seems to be the safer option to me, but it also scares me that I don’t know how my future would turn out. Being single is an interesting thing, it is both exciting and terrifying as I look to the future. Life is full of fear regardless of my circumstance, and I know the only way to move forward is to have faith. “Everything will work out in the end, and if it doesn’t, it’s not the end” - John Lennon. Whether I continue to be perpetually single or I marry, some dreams will be achieved and others will be sacrificed. I may not know much, but I know that this life can be so good, and it is up to us to choose our destiny choice by choice. The art of being single is pressing forward in faith and being happy regardless of circumstances. The Lord has a plan and you just have to trust in that. You master the art form when you can accept yourself and your life what it is and be happy. So, come at me life, let’s see what you have for me! Today was just one of those days that happened so quickly and I am not sure what to make of it. There was so much to do and so little time to do it!
We are halfway through the semester and it is starting to hit me that this is my last full semester on BYU's campus. This is the last time that I will be a full-time student and that seems crazy to me! It is the last time that midterms will hit all at the same time, the last time that I will realize that all the projects for each of my classes are due on the exact same day, and that day is next week, and it is the last time I will procrastinate all of these projects until next week. I would say it is a little bitter sweet, but the knots in the back of my neck are screaming that this is a good thing! Today it hit me that I am finally getting to the point where I have figured out how to balance school, work and fun, but that I only have a couple of weeks left to enjoy the bliss that is balance. I am not naive enough to believe that life will be less busy or less stressful once I graduate. In fact, I expect it to be just as stressful and busy but in a different way. I know a lot of changing is coming and I am both excited and nervous for it. Adulting, how fun! As I look to the future it is full of so many possibilities, and I am not sure which road I will take yet, but I know which ever journey I embark on it will be an adventure! As J.M Barrie, the author of Peter Pan wrote, "to live will be an awfully big adventure!" Ain't that the truth? I will probably be doing some exploring of possible future plans in the upcoming weeks on the blog, so if you have any advice or you want to share the best advice that you have been given please leave a comment! I would love to hear from you!! So, I really hope that you had the opportunity to watch the youtube video that I posted about Empathy! I have been learning so much about empathy lately and how truly powerful it can be. I love the end of the video when it talked about how sometimes we try to make things better and add a silver lining, but what really makes thing better is making a connection! I have found that to be so true in my life, and it has also brought me the most joy when I have been able to make that connection with other people!
The world would be a better place if we were all more empathetic. I have been reflecting on my life recently and I realized that there are times in my life when people tell me things and I get frustrated that they feel that way. How dumb is that? I get frustrated that they are having a hard time, like that somehow inconveniences me... it's like I am thinking, "why can't you struggle less, or other people have worse problems, get over it." I am honestly ashamed that these thoughts have even crossed my mind. How selfish is that? I am too busy trying to fix the problem that I am not caring enough about the problem! And the truth is, when I act that way nothing gets solved. It leaves me frustrated and unhappy and leaves the person with the problem hurt and feeling alone! Empathy is the solution to that selfishness! Empathy is the way that we can make a true connection with the people around us. It is trying to understand what that person is going through, learning about their emotions and the trials that they face. It is looking at a situation from their perspective. It is understanding that another person's feelings are valid no matter how different they be from yours. It is so powerful because it can be healing for all parties involved! Let's be honest, there is no way that we can know what another person is going through. Even if we think we know them perfectly, we don't. We can not read minds, we can not live their lives, we can not truly feel what they are feeling, but what we can do is listen! We can ask questions to understand, we can sit with them in silence and just be there, we can reassure them that we are there for them, and we can try and share their burden. Sometimes all someone needs is the presence of someone who wants to understand and care! Another thing to keep in mind, is that because we don't know what anyone else is going through we have to watch our words and our actions. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to be a nice, loving person. Not many people wake up in the morning thinking about how they can make your day a living hell, people are just to busy for that. Sometimes someone is just having a bad day, sometimes their home life is stressful, their work life is stressful, they are struggling with their mental health, physical health, spiritual health or crap is just hitting the fan in their life. The point is, life is hard so try not to make is harder for other people. (I say you a lot but I am really talking to myself!) So, my invitation to anyone who reads this post today is, if you come across someone who is having a bad day, just be there for them. Be a little kinder, be a little gentler and smile more! You never know who's day you will brighten! It's been a couple months since I last actually published something and I thought that it was about that time again. I have written a few half pieces, but nothing concrete enough to publish. I don't know why I do that, I am definitely one of those people that I have too many ideas to carry out in my life. If I was half as productive as I am in my head, I would literally be Wonder Women!
Well, today I decided that I would try and post more. Maybe I will work it into my nightly routine. I love writing! I like being able to get some of the ideas that are in my head on to the screen. It allows me to really think through my life and develop more complete ideas. There is so much to learn in this life. Some times that can seem daunting, but other times it is really exciting! So I though today I would share a few things that I have been learning lately! 1. I have been learning a lot about personalities lately! I have always been fascinated by personality tests and lately it has been my obsession. I took the 16 personality test recently and rediscovered that I truly am an ENFP. I have read through the profile multiple times seeking to understand myself better. I also had the chance to watch my best friend take the test. She is an ISTJ (the complete opposite of me). In fact, my best friend Alyson and my best friend Spencer are both ISTJ, which I found extremely intriguing! Alyson and I spent a good hour reading through our personality profiles, laughing and groaning as we came to understand ourselves and each other a little better! It has been fun to learn a little bit about what makes us, us. It has also helped me to learn patience and compassion when interacting with other personality types. It has truly been a delight learning. I am sure I will post more about this at a latter time! 2. I have been learning a lot about adulting! I know, about time right? I am 23 and I feel like maybe I should know a little bit more about these things than I do, but it has been fun (and sometimes stressful) learning all these new adult things. I became an American citizen during the summer and I finally decided to go and get my passport, so that made me feel grownup. Then my computer broke so I went and got that fixed, then my phone broke so I went and fixed that, I took a trip with some friends to Colorado, I registered to vote and requested an absentee ballot (which required buying stamps), I had to call the mobile company to complain about a contract they had sent me, all while working and going to school. So what I have really learned is that adulting is stressful and costs money and I have decided that Peter Pan is my spirit animal and I am moving to Netherland and becoming a lost girl... I think that sums it up! 3. I have also learned that although there is a lot of things going on in my life and it can be very stressful, the Lord has a plan for me and that as I try my best everything will work out! The Atonement of Jesus Christ is real and it is there to strengthen us in our times of need, which leads me to the hymn, "I need thee every hour". I know that I need my God and Savior every hour, this life is not possible without them! The best part is, they are always there for us no matter what! The Atonement is real, meaning that the power and grace of God is a real power in our lives that will strengthen us and change us for the better if we reach out and let it. Times may be hard, and the world may seem dark, but I promise that the light of our Heavenly Father's love is there! Reach out and pray and he will bless you, just don't give up! I am grateful for this day and the opportunity that I have had to learn. I know that tomorrow will bring new challenges and new joy's and I am excited to see where this life takes me. All in all, this life is good. "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end" - John Lennon. I know that is true, there is always hope even if it is small. So go forth friends, look for the good in the world and choose happiness whenever you can! With the 2016 Presidential election just around the corner many have been wrestling with the question of who to vote for? With so much information out there it can be hard to know where to look for information so that you can be an informed voter. I set out to find out how I can be a more informed voter by talking to Brigham Young University political science professor Adam Dynes. Dynes had a lot of great advice on how we can become more informed in time for this years election.
Step 1: Figure out what you believe in In order to make a decision on who to vote for you have to know what you believe in. Most of the time you are voting based on policies and how you think the government should work. Dynes said students need to know why they think policy X will have a positive or negative effect and what evidence there is to support that view. Dynes talked about figuring out what your underlying assumptions are and recognizing your biases as you do research. It is also important to have a general idea of what is going on in the world, so you know the context of candidates policies. "If you think policy X is good, well then you need to think about is it good in these situations, and what are the general situations that we are in now," Dynes said. "You need a general understanding of the news." Step 2: Get informed "It is good to get your news from more than one source," Dynes said. "You can sign up for emails from most large new organizations, New York Times, Politico, Washington Post has a daily email of what is going down in politics... There are also blog type posts put out by political scientist like the Monkey Cage from Washington Post, which is where you get Political Scientist applying their research to the news." It can be hard at times to know what policies will actually work when you have limited knowledge, not all of us have time to dedicate hours to political science research. Luckily, there are sites out there that do some of the work for you. "Many of the issues that people care about concern economics," Dynes said. "Well, there's a great resource online where people can see the opinions of economists on policy issues. It's called the IGM Economic Experts Panel, which consists of regularly updated surveys of economists on a variety of policy and economic issues. It's administered by the business school at the University of Chicago." You can follow this link to use this resource: http://www.igmchicago.org/igm-economic-experts-panel. This source allows you to compare what you think with experts that have done research in these areas. Step 3: Find candidates that line up with your view "If you think the world works one way, then you need to figure out what politicians are trying to push policies in that direction," Dynes said. He continued on to say that political parties can be helpful because they can do some of the leg work for you. If you generally align with one party then the candidate for that part will usually align with the beliefs that you have. But, sometimes that isn't the case or you just don't align with a party. "In that case, you need to highlight the policies that you find most important and then vote for the candidate that supports those things," Dynes said. Sites such as Project Vote Smart and I Side With can help you identify the candidates that you most agree with. I Side With will help you identify candidates running for the Office of President that you most agree with based on a series of question about policies. Project Vote Smart allows you to enter your zip code and identify local leaders that are running for office along with the stances that they have. Other steps/strategies: It all comes down to how much effort you are willing to put in and how much say you want to have in the future of the United States of America. There is a principle referred to in political science called rational ignorance, which is refraining from acquiring knowledge when the cost of educating oneself on an issue exceeds the potential benefit that the knowledge would provide. "It is costly to become informed, it takes time," Dynes said. "Even if people feel that they have the duty to vote it may not translate into spending the time to really become informed and making sure that their theory of how the world works is accurate and holds up." So, Dynes suggested a few different tactics when the cost of being really informed seems a little too high. Suggestion 1: "It's called retrospective voting, which means that you, as a voter, vote for the politician/party in power if you like how things are going and you vote against them if you don't," Dynes said. "This still requires students to be informed enough about whom the incumbents are." He explained that it still requires students to have some "basic understanding of how different political offices and institutions affect policy outcomes, so you know whom to reward and credit." It also means that voters need to have some knowledge of how things are going, "which often boils down to how the economy is doing." "So even if someone were to make voting decisions in this fashion, they would still need to be minimally informed about politics, but at a level that perusing through the news (either with a hard copy of a newspaper or on its website) on a regular basis should provide," Dynes said. Suggestion 2: Talk to people around you that are well informed and who's political beliefs you line up and ask them the questions you have. They may have insights on who to vote for, especially in your local elections. You can also look to the political party that you align with and look to the leaders of that party and see who they are endorsing. Parties can be a shortcut, but you should still look into the candidates policies. It is important to keep in mind that there is a lot of information out there and it we can not consume it all, but we do our best to stay as informed as possible. In the end it really does come down the price you are willing to pay to stay informed. It is a right to be able to vote in this country but it is also a responsibility to vote. Yesterday I interviewed BYU Student Stephanie Smith and she said, " regardless of who the president is, we are the people, we are the people of America and I think we have more power than we have been led to believe." To learn how you can register to vote, click here. So here is the thing with being single... we all know there is a part of it that sucks! Especially in the mormon culture. You are expected to get married and start a family while you are young, and for some people that just doesn't happen. For some of us, dating just doesn't go as planned! It is not that I don't want to get married or be in love, it is just that it doesn't happen, and sometimes that is really hard!
Let me give you a little glimpse into my life for a moment. I am 22 years old, nearly 23 years old and I can honestly say that I have never been in love. I have never even come close to being in love. I am not even sure if you could say that I have had a "real" boyfriend. I mean their were boys here and there that maybe you could say I had a "thing" with, but I have never been committed to someone and vice versa. Over the past year and a half, I haven't even had a thing with anyone. I have liked boys but nothing has never been reciprocated. It got to a point about 6 months ago that I decided I was better of suppressing all feelings of liking anyone, because every time that I do, they end up liking or dating my roommate or clearly friend zoning me. Now I am not telling you this to pity me in anyway! Yes it is hard and it kind of sucks but this is mainly just for me to think through and analyze the world that I live in. Analyze what my reality is. My reality is that there is not a special someone in my life and rationally thinking I think that should be ok, but sometimes my heart is just not ok with it! Sometimes it hurts a lot! Sometimes it feels as if my mind and heart are yelling two separate things and there is no communication between them! In my world, I meet new guys and get to know them. Maybe I even start to like them. Immediately that strikes fear in my heart and mind because in my expereince liking someone never ends well. It usually goes like this. I start to get to know them more. They will be sweet and hang out with me a lot. Maybe we even connect, we have a lot in common, we have some deep conversations (because I am easy to talk to) and there we have it straight in the friend zone. This happens all before I am even able to recognize that I have a crush on them, which is obviously to late. Then starts this horrible battle between, is it possible that he could like me or should I just leave it alone? Do I even actually like them? Is it worth potentially ruining a friendship to figure it out? Meanwhile, on there end they are usually developing a crush on a roommate of mine, a neighbor or my sister. Yeah it is always a good time... See in my world I am never the leading lady that gets the guy, I am always the best friend that is there for support. I am always the friend that is just chilling and gets the funny, witty lines but never ends up with a cool guy of her own. Movies are sort of the best and the worst thing. I mean they give you hope that people with sad and pathetic love life's will find love in the end, but at the same time it leaves you with that hope in the real world where that doesn't always happen. It also leaves you waiting on that to happen so that you can feel happy. So I guess my main question is, how on the earth do you change that perspective? How do I become the women that at the end of the movie finds herself and enjoys her life to the point of feeling whole? I don't think that I am supposed to feel broken until I find someone to marry! I don't think that is what God would want, or how this life is meant to work! I just want to figure out how to be happy being me and not waiting on some man to come into my life. Of course one day I want to get married and I am open to the idea, but I don't want that to be my focus in life, because it doesn't make me happy! It makes me sad on nights when all my roommates are on dates, or when I feel like I have no friends because they are all in relationships! I don't want to feel like I am failing because I am not in a relationship, or that there is something wrong with me. I know that those things aren't true, but that is how it feels to me sometimes. In my world, that is how I feel! That is what reality feels like to me and what it seems like as a 22 year old, single female. So if you have any suggestions, or comments you just let me know! So I just got done watching “How to Be Single” and I was actually impressed with the movies conclusions. At the end it talked about how being single is the time to get good at being alone, but it also talked about how there is also the danger of becoming too comfortable with being single that we miss out on the chance to be with someone really great. I loved that! Living in the BYU bubble I have been hit with this thought many times. I think there is an art to being single and finding the joy in that journey. I know that finding someone to marry is a very important step in anyone’s life, but so is the time we have being single.
Now just to be clear I am not advocating prolonging singleness, I am just an advocate for learning to enjoy that time. I think sometimes, especially in the LDS culture, we put SO much stress on the need to be married that we make being single a time of shame, guilt and sadness. It becomes a time of misery because we feel we have no purpose unless we are married. Sometimes we even feel that our worth is less because we are not going on dates, or we feel like something is wrong with us because no one seems to want to date us. In “How to Be Single” it talked about cherishing that time that you do have to be single. Now is the time we have to work on ourselves and become the best version of our selves that we can be. This time is the time where we get to prepare for the future and you should not have to feel ashamed because you are single. There is nothing wrong with that. You get to be single! After all everyone is single at some point in their life. Being single means that you can focus on all the other relationships in your life: your roommates, classmates, friends, family and you get to work on your relationship with yourself! So I am starting a new resolution: I am going to be ok being single! I get to be happy now, on my own. I get to do the things that I want to do and the things that make me happy. I get to discover hobbies and things that I like and dislike, and who knows along the way I might find Mr. Right, but if not, I will be OK. Because it is ok to be single! And, may I make one more point? I am only freaking 22 years old. In the grand scheme of things I am a small child! The only thing that I really know is that I still have so much to learn and that this period of my life is a defining one. So I am choosing to be OK being single and to be happy during this time and I invite you to do the same! So I am currently in a history of creativity class here at BYU and we have challenges each week that are meant to help us be more creative. Well this week we discussed Martin Luther and his 99 thesis, so one of the challenges we could do was to come up with ten truths that we think would benefit the world. As soon as I read that challenge I knew that exactly what I wanted to say, these truths poured out of me pretty quickly and I honestly believe that these truths have made a world of a difference in my life. I also know that these truths will continue to make a difference in my life as I come to understand and practice them more and more each and every day.
In the coming weeks I am going to take some time to study each truth and write a blog post about the impact that it has had in my life. For my final project I am compiling stories of people I come into contact with about how one (or more) of these truths have helped them in their life or a time when one (again or more) of these truths was true for them. So if you have a story that you would like me to feature or that you would just like to share with me feel free to comment or send me and email at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you! My ten most important truths: 1. You are a child of God 2. Everyone around you is a child of God 3. Each child of God has unlimited potential 4. Nothing you do can make God love you more or less, his love is infinite and perfect 5. God has a plan for you. 6. All things are for your good 7. All you need is charity 8. Other people are your allies not the enemy, your only enemy is Satan 9.Christ overcame the world so that you could overcome anything that comes your way 10.The Atonement of Jesus Christ is real |
AuthorI am Izsie. I feel deeply, which is a curse and a blessing and I love to rant. Archives
March 2017
Categories |